Leaving My Second Home

Though going home is definitely an exciting time, there are certain aspects of Iraq that I will miss. This is definitely not a complete list, but it should provide some insight into the parts of Basra that will be hard to leave behind:

• The comraderie, friends, and knowing that you are never alone
• Structure, schedules, and defintive plans
• Free laundry service, food, fuel, pop
• Workout facilities, with no monthly dues
• No need to worry about what to wear on a given day
• Free travel (even though it is only around southern Iraq and Kuwait)
• Feeeling of job security
• Winter weather, which is quite nice. Note that I will have no trouble leaving behind summer's weather
• Sense of purpose
• The area in general. Despite being a desert, there are many beautiful marshes, structures, etc., that provide a sense of belonging here
• Our Iraqi partners. I know they are in good hands with our replacements, but it will still be bittersweet to know that I may never see them again

Porta-Potttie (The Power of Privacy)

You might think that a porta-pottie in the desert would be about the least desirable place to be, with urine on the floor, profane graffiti on the walls, and the smell of hot human feces percollating right beneath you. However, honestly, some of the best times of my day are the moments in the porta-pottie.

It is about the only time on deployment that you can find privacy. There is nobody in there with you, and nobody comes and disturbs you because when you lock the door it automatically puts a sign up that tells everyone that it's occupied. This provides time to unwind, relax, and just forget about the world outside.

If the simple concept of privacy can make something as seemingly horrid as a porta-pottie seem like an oasis, imagine what it might do for other places. Giving people the ability to have an uninterupted 15 minutes of private time can be a great morale booster.

The Beginning

So on day one of the deployment, feelings are pretty interesting. I feel a little anxiety over the coming week and couple months with the number of transitions that will come up, such as moving, packing, etc. It will definitely feel nice once we get more into the swing of things and get a definite pattern going.

The weather today is pretty interesting, especially for early February. With the temperature in the 40's, no sun in sight, slight drizzle, and gusting winds; the weather definitely seemed to fit the ominous mood of the deployment. I could not have picked weather that more accurately fit the mood I was in at formation this morning.

Now is the time to just dig in, drive on, and get it done. The sun will come out, and stay out, once we get there.

Bonding

Though many military personnel, especially in combat MOS's, tend to maintain an outward appearance of non-emotion, there are very strong bonds that are created through the shared experiences of military life.

Many people have things that they won't share with even their wives or husbands, but only with the people that they've served with. Talking about life 'over there' or even more trivial things like the mobilization station, food, friends, foes, etc., are oftentimes impossible to talk about with people that didn't share the same experiences. This unspoken trust that forms because of these things creates a bond that is hard to break.

Another interesting thing is the difference between a bond with all military members and a bond with people that you were actually with. Certain things like food, living conditions, other service branches, weapons systems, bases, MOS's,  basic training, deaths, injuries, pay, spouses, etc can generally be brought up and discussed with ease amongst nearly anyone in the military, much as weather is discussed between civilians. 

Other things, such as a particularly bad Lieutenant, a 'bad day,' regrets, wishes, embarassments, mistakes, or other unit-specific areas are more closely guarded and generally only talked about with people that went through those same things.

The best example of a bond formed for me is the bond I have with Robby due to having served overseas together, then running RSP, going back to the same unit, going to nearby colleges in similar degrees, and being friends throughout it all. With all of these shared experiences, anytime we talk there's always something to reminisce about.

Looking to the future, it will be weird forming new bonds with people in a new unit, and it makes me wonder how much the old bonds will fade. 

Forgot Who I Am

To quote Joe Walsh, when I returned after the first deployment I definitely felt like: "Everybody's so different, I haven't changed."

Looking back I can see how it definitely wasn't true. It's hard to remember what I was like, how I felt, how I acted before I left. Being in a combat zone for a year when you're 18 changes you in a lot of ways, and I kind of wish now that I'd paid closer attention to what I was like before I left to have a better comparison.

I'm a punctual, early rising, hard driving, pragmatic, serious, impatient, and confrontational individual today. Which of those traits did I always have and which did I acquire through the deployment out of necessity? It's hard to say.

I know I don't like talking about feelings or emotions now (which is a primary reason I started this blog, so I could deal with them indirectly through writing), but was I always like that? I can't remember for sure.

I love reading, writing, athletics (participating, not spectating), math, business, and exercising. Before I left, I don't think I liked any of those, with the minor exception of athletics, which at the time I also enjoyed spectating but now can't seem to stand. Which of these changes were caused by the deployment and which were just natural progressions of a person's life as they grow older and move out of their teen years?

Looking forward, its hard to say what I'll be like when I return. Who knows, maybe I won't like reading anymore. Maybe I'll discover a love for painting or movies or something else. Maybe I'll have more nighhtmares, maybe I won't. It's scary looking too far forward, but you just have to take it a day at a time. It's those everyday choices that add up and make the changes in your life.

The Desert

To describe an experience in Iraq, or any other theater, one of the most basic elements is the climate. Though one can never do justice to an area with simply words, I will try my best to convey some of my memories here.

Background

Balad is 42 miles northwest of Baghdad. LSA Anaconda is shortly outside of town and covers an area of 15 square miles. 22,000 people lived on the base, and we were attacked by mortars or rockets an average of twice daily during my time there. It lays in the heart of an area known as the Sunni Triangle, which is where roughly 80% of attacks against coalition forces occurred during my time there. To the right is a picture of me holding some shrapnel from a mortar round that almost hit me. (http://www.globalsecurity.org/military/world/iraq/balad-ab.htm)

We wore boots, socks, full pants, DCU top (long sleeve, button up), belt, body armor (30 pounds, thick and doesn't breathe), 210 rounds of ammo (7 pounds), M16 (7.8 pounds), 2 liters of water (4.5 pounds), helmet (3.5 pounds), and sunglasses. Other incidentals to carry included food, pictures, books, Ipods, and anything else someone might want to have with them.

Description

Scorching heat, 120 degrees in the shade. Felt like well above that. We lived in tin shipping containers where the A/C worked half the time. The problem was that the A/C primarily worked when it wasn't too hot, because once it got unbearably hot the generators that powered them would stop working. Computer parts, flash drives, and other things with meltable components can't be stored in pockets or in hooches for too long lest they melt something. I generally did my work at night and would try to sleep in the day. Sweating through the mattress and hallucinating from the excessive heat and exhaustion in a state of half-sleep, half-awake that plagues a person for weeks at at time.

The ground there was a hard rock and dust mixture that we described as moon-dust. The dust was extremely fine, similar to flour. If you stepped on a pile of it it would all fly up into the air. The ground beneath it was as hard as cement. Mortar rounds that caused craters a foot deep and several feet across in Minnesota barely made a dent in the ground in Balad. In this way we were not in a traditional desert, as there wasn't really much sand to speak of when compared to Kuwait or other areas.

The sun didn't stop shining for months at a time. There were a few months when no clouds were visible at all. It never occurred to me that clouds might be something rare to see. Then during the rainy season (January and February 2005 when I was there), we had floods and had to dig trenches to divert water. 

Overall, these parts of the experience were amazing, living in a new climate with new challenges and opportunities. During times when it was peaceful and we didn't have something to do, it felt in many ways similar to how studying abroad or vacationing would feel.

Apathy

One of the downfalls of a deployment is definitely the accompanying apathy that so easily befalls a person. Before deployment, it is hard to care about things, especially obligations. I've seen many soldiers (and myself) fall victim to apathy, especially in areas such as:

• Bills
• Homework
• Work
• Friendships
• Personal Hygiene and Fitness
• Military Bearing

When knowing that you are going to leave for such an extended period of time for military duty, it is often hard to care about other things. Other things sometimes feel unimportant, small, or meaningless.

Coming back from deployment oftentimes this apathy becomes even worse, and if not addressed can lead to major problems. It is easy to fall into the trap of feeling that everything in civilian life is so miniscule when compared to the pains of war. Why care about these small bills, or these finals when people are dying?

The fact of the matter, in the end, is that all of these daily things are important. Together they add up to the perceived value of your life, and if you don't put any effort or care into them, then its easy to feel that your life as a whole becomes worthless. Becoming complacent to these things is one of my biggest fears in deploying again.